Tag Archives: thankful

The Best Kind of News

It was rainy and dreary on Tuesday. My Mom and Stepdad had just left, I was starting to get sick and I had to work in the afternoon at my new job. My new job where I am still fighting the voices in my head that keep telling me they will find out I am awful and will fire me. The voices that are telling me the other shoe will drop ANY MOMENT. It was not shaping up to be the greatest of days for me.

Lucky for me, I knew I had a package from Ashley at the post office, so I was off to pick up the glorious, well-timed box. I was ready to kick ass and take names too, since no one had even attempted to deliver it.  I was riled RIGHT up and was in NO MOOD to deal with any bullshit.

Then, while I was waiting in line, I got a text from my Dad.

Spontaneous tears.

He had a CT scan last week to check on the size of his lymphnodes (Since he has lymphoma, that’s where the cancer is. There and in his bone marrow) and was at the cancer clinic to find out the results and to get his fourth (out of six) round of chemotherapy. Well, excuse the capslock but – EVERY SINGLE NODE WAS LESS THAN 1CM IN SIZE! This, in comparison to August when a couple were EIGHTEEN CENTIMETERS. Less than 1cm people! That’s like |      | this far or something. Oh my good god, would you have been able to hold back tears on that one?

That’s not all.  Once I finished sobbing at the post office, I got a text from my Dad’s girlfriend who said that his chemo drugs were now GETTING PAID FOR. So, my Dad, who has no health insurance but will be on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars – just got his chemotherapy drugs paid for by the drug companies. As someone who thinks drug companies are evil bastards, I have never, EVER IN MY LIFE been so grateful to them. Dad will still have to pay for the scans, doctor visits and so forth, but the drugs are most expensive!

So let’s recap this. Halfway through his treatment program, his lymphnodes have drastically reduced in size, meaning the drugs are working as they should. So, so well. Ontop of this, he is getting financial help from the drug companies (who get a tax break for doing so) and his financial burden will be lessened. Well then.

I know that many of you will cheer and celebrate this massive victory (so far) with me and I honestly am so grateful for you all as well. You have made the last few months not only bearable, but full of love and support and comfort.

Thank you friends.

I just…you guys. I can’t express to you, just how grateful I feel on the eve of Thanksgiving. Yes, I am sick and grumpy but damn. I have a job that is already helping with my mood and self esteem and is making me feel like a worthwhile human being that is strong, capable and able to do anything if she just takes that first step.  And the best part – My Dad is doing so dang well and I just love him so much. He is kicking cancer’s ass and is keeping such an awesome attitude while doing it.

I hope that I am as strong as he is some day. I really do.

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Thankful

Since I have been so whiney lately, I thought it was important to find some gratitude.

I am grateful that my Nana is getting to spend time with her sister this week. It makes me sad to think it may be their last time together, that my Aunt can remember. She seems to be up and down with her dementia and I just hope the visit goes well. I’m also grateful that my Aunt Cat could make the trip possible for Nana.

I am grateful for romance novels, both the sweet and the smutty. There is nothing like disappearing from the world for a few hours into a romance. Not everyone likes them, but they are the only way for me to just stop thinking completely.

I am SO grateful that I took the leap and went to Birth Doula Training. It was an AMAZING experience tonsit around with 12 women all day. Socializing,  communicating, sharing. It made me a bit of an emotional wreck (shocker) but it was just such a wonderful experience. It helped me to realize hoe important having a community of support is.

I am also grateful that I chose the trainer I did. I had such a good feeling about her before I signed up and that paid off in spades. She was warm, caring, strong and confident, yet so intuitive. I loved her.  I want to be best friends and bake her cakes. I am hoping to connect with her and gain experience and knowledge. I really, really loved her. If you are in (or near) NYC and need a Doula or want to attend training, give me a shout. I have the perfect woman for you!

I am grateful for slippers and legwarmers. It is chilly here amd I am totally taking advantage of that with colorful legwarmers and sock monkey slippers!

I am grateful for Netflix. Otherwise, how would I watch the spandex-clad amazingness that is Star Trek The Next Generation!? Wil Wheaton? Deanna Troy?  Come on.

I am grateful for friends that understand me. Being HSP is often difficult. It makes an already tough situation feel that much more intense and overwhelming. Sometimes it is so easy to hurt, hide and feel alone.  Those voices that lie, tell your incorrigible ear that you ARE alone. Then, someone messages you. Texts. Emails. Or you find it in you to reach out and are met with a flood of support. I am so very grateful for those of you that have shown your support, cheered me on and rooted for me to keep going. I am also grateful for those that have reached for me when they needed someone most. Thank you for that trust, and for letting me share your burden.

Sometimes it is hard to find anything in this cloudy haze of depression, but I’m glad to find some things. It’s important. I am important.

What are you feeling grateful for?

Thankful Thursday 1.0

My friend Annette over at Enjoy Your Healthy Life often talks about things she is thankful for, calling it Thankful Thursday.  I love it and think that right now, while things are so stressful, I could really use a moment to stop and think about what and whom I am grateful for. So, thanks Annette, for the reminder!

1. Fresh fruits & veggies.

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You guys. How awesome is this? We got out of the city yesterday and picked our own vegetables and fruit and it was WONDERFUL. Having all this choice makes me feel good and also makes it more likely that I will eat well! I like variety and I am so grateful that we could do this.

2. My family

I have always loved my family, but we haven’t always been close. With all that I’ve been struggling with I finally let them in and we have become closer than we’ve been in years.

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They have all been so kind to us through this move, offering to help us furnish the apartment and supporting us in any way they can.

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I’m just so grateful to be close to them both geographically and personally. I love them so much.

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3. Coffee

I’ve never been one of those “omg…must…have…coffee” kind of people. Mostly, I just really enjoy it. My new apartment gets really nice morning sun and having a quiet coffee in the mornings has been so peaceful.

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4. Curtains

We have big, tall windows in this apartment which is great. Airy! Bright! Also not very private. My Mom was kind enough to offer to buy us curtains and they are all finally here!

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Not only do they make the space feel more homey, but it’s nice to not show all of Inwood my delicate bits. They are such a small thing but make me so happy.

5. Flowers

My husband got me these yesterday on his way home from class. We don’t have a lot of extra money right now and it is probably my biggest stress at the moment. Yet, he still did this. Something small sometimes makes a big difference.

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Oh, some do the whole “Throwback Thursday” thing too, so here is a two for one!

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And
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What are YOU thankful for?