NaBloPoMo First

So, I see all the flap about this National Blog Post Writing Month and have been thinking – why not? I’ve never even attempted it and maybe this will teach me that blogging doesn’t have to be something full or pressure, wisdom and insight. It just can…be.

Well, today was a shit show.  I feel like you all must be exhausted from hearing me whine but seriously people…today was a doozy.

Yesterday I got up before the light to go to a group interview, for a part time job that I didn’t really want, but need. While waiting for this interview in a room with 52 other people, (Yes, 52.) I got an email from a job I was VERY hopeful for. A rejection letter. I immediately fought tears and the urge to run out of there and go home. This was no small feat.

I went through the interview, all two hours of it while me and the 52 other people looked like hungry dogs, salivating at the prospect of $10/hour. Andrew met me, bless him, and we spent the day wandering.  It helped to brush off the pain of disappointment and rejection a bit, I won’t lie.

I got home, fell asleep for an hour and woke to my 2nd rejection of the day. From yet another job that I was SO perfectly suited for with 5 years experience doing more than they needed.

It sucked. I was SO hopeful. Things felt so good. I am struggling with the rejection, with the prospect of financial ruin, the pressure of being the sole provider…sans job and with being sensitive and worrisome in this dog eat dog city.

Today I cried.  Hard. I ate shitty candy and I slept for 3.5 hours while I should have been out enjoying the unseasonably warm fall day, drinking cider and eating squash. Or at least remarking on how beautiful fall is. Instead, I cried and slept.

Now I am dreading getting up tomorrow and applying for more work. More interviews. More failure. I’m so whiny.

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